Finding Me (The Music Within Book 3) Read online

  Finding Me

  The Music Within – Book 3

  Faith Gibson

  All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher is unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locations, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

  The author acknowledges the copyrighted or trademarked status and trademark owners of the wordmarks mentioned in this work of fiction.

  Copyright © 2017 Bramblerose Press LLC

  Published by: Faith Gibson

  Editor: Jagged Rose Wordsmithing

  First print edition: February 2017

  Cover design by: Simply Defined Art

  Photography: Randy Sewell - RLS Model Photography

  Model: Jason Estes

  ISBN: 978- 0998516110

  This book is intended for mature audiences only.

  Dedication

  To everyone in the world who has ever doubted yourself for whatever reason. The heart knows what it wants usually before the brain does, and sometimes it takes a while for the two to catch up with the other.

  Acknowledgements

  To my writing posse – your feedback, ideas, critique, and support is the most important part of my writing. Without you ladies, I’d lose my mind.

  I’ve had the photo of “Andy” for months. As soon as I saw Randy Sewell’s post with this amazing picture of Jason, I knew it was the one I had to have. After months of waiting, the photo is finally on the cover, and it couldn’t be more perfect.

  Christina Johnson: You are without a doubt one of the best at what you do. From you video reviews to your feedback, you are such a doll, and your words help shape my books into something better. Love you.

  To all the readers who love my “boys” as much as I do. This genre is so near and dear to my heart, and I thank every single one of you who understands that love is love.

  To the man who gives me my quiet time when it’s supposed to be our time. For understanding this isn’t only a job to me, but my passion. And maybe, just maybe, an obsession.

  Table of Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Epilogue

  Chapter One

  Andy

  Andy slammed his phone on the counter. This was bullshit. Why the fuck could he not find a job? Andy’d served his country for the last eight years. Fought so the bastards telling him no could tell him no. Motherfuckers. He picked his phone back up, praying he hadn’t shattered the screen. No job meant no money, which meant no new phone. He had some cash saved up from his two tours, but he needed to save it for hard times. Harder times. Andy had been home from the sand for going on six months, and he was starting to panic. That was something he couldn’t afford, either. Nightmares were bad enough, but panic attacks were a whole ‘nother ball game. Dreams were contained to night time when he was alone. Panic attacks could cripple him anytime, anywhere.

  Maybe Andy needed to talk to someone. He had opted out of psychiatric therapy when he returned home because everything had been fine up to that point. Andy had been one of the lucky ones, coming home with all his body parts intact. He had seen a fair bit of trauma while serving, but again, it could have been worse. Not wanting to wait until things got completely out of control, Andy headed for the VA Center. Maybe they could help him find a job. He should have called for an appointment, but he didn’t have anything better to do with the rest of his day.

  Andy angled his large frame out of his piece of shit car and locked it. Not that he had anything someone would want to steal, but he’d hate to come back and find his vehicle gone. As he strode toward the door, a good-looking man and his dog exited the building. Andy loved dogs. He’d always wanted one growing up, but his mother wouldn’t allow a mutt inside their fancy house, yet she had two meaner-than-fuck cats hissing at everyone. The lab trotted to Andy and stopped in front of him, sitting at his feet, tail wagging. Andy knelt down and gave the animal a good rubbing. “Hello there,” he greeted the dog as he scratched behind his ears.

  “You keep that up and he’ll never let you go.” The owner had caught up to his canine companion. “I’m Erik, and this is Duke.”

  “Hello, Duke,” Andy said before standing. He reached a hand out to the man. “Andy Holcomb. Nice to meet you.”

  “Same here. Duke and I visit the patients every Friday. He has a way about him that’s therapeutic to some of the veterans.”

  “Maybe I should borrow him,” Andy admitted aloud.

  “I can arrange that, if you think he’d help. I’m not a psychologist, but I have a special place in my heart for those of you who are trying to get readjusted to life back home,” Erik stated as if he could read Andy’s mind.

  Andy didn’t know this man from Adam, and even though he admitted he wasn’t a doctor, Andy felt comfortable talking to him. “I appreciate the offer. I think I need a job more than a dog. I never thought it would be so tough finding work after I got out.”

  “What kind of work are you looking for? I might be able to help,” Erik offered.

  “At this point, I’ll take anything. It’s been almost six months, and my savings is shrinking instead of growing.”

  “It just so happens I know someone who needs workers. I spoke to another veteran inside in pretty much the same predicament as you. He’s taken me up on the offer, and if you agree, it will help out a great deal. I don’t mean to be rude, but we’ll need to get a copy of your psych evaluation before I can give you all the information. The job is working on a farm, helping with cattle and odd jobs. You would have your own bedroom and would be living with the foreman and the other veteran I mentioned. Does that sound like something you’d be interested in?”

  “Hell yeah. I love the outdoors, and manual labor is right up my alley.”

  “Excellent. Let’s go inside so we can discuss it further. We’ll get the paperwork we need, and I’ll introduce you to Bryan, the other veteran.”

  Andy couldn’t believe the stroke of good luck. Here he’d come to whine about his problems, and the answer presented itself before he stepped into the building. As they walked together, Erik said, “I need to ask you something else before we proceed. How do you feel about gays?”

  Andy’s hackles went up. Was Erik a homophobe? He didn’t give off that kind of vibe, but you never knew with some people. What if they wouldn’t hire him because he was gay? His hesitation caused Erik to frown. “I need to know because the foreman is gay. If you’re homophobic, this job isn’t for you. I should have mentioned it sooner.”

  Andy breathed a sigh of relief. A grin
tugged at his mouth for the first time in months. “No, I’m not homophobic. I’m actually gay myself.”

  Erik broke out into a large smile. “Excellent. I think having another gay man around will be good for Malcolm. Come on.” Erik and Duke led Andy through the center to the administrative offices. Erik must be someone important, because there was no waiting around for hours. That was the main reason Andy had stayed away for so long. His impatience got the better of him, and he would get frustrated when he had to sit. He was a doer, so this job sounded perfect.

  By the time Andy walked out the door thirty minutes later, he had met the other Marine who was also going to be working on the farm. The guy was relatively quiet; then again, Andy hadn’t shut up since meeting him. Bryan Moore was a couple inches shorter than Andy. His ethnicity was impossible to pinpoint with his smooth, darker skin. And those eyes. Fuck! Andy had never seen eyes that color, sort of an aqua blue-green. Andy didn’t know all the colors of the rainbow, but he did know beautiful when he saw it. And Bryan Moore was beautiful, in a built like a brick shithouse, chew you up and spit you out kind of way.

  After saying goodbye to Erik and thanking him for finding them jobs, Andy and Bryan decided to go have lunch and get acquainted. “So, are you gay too?” Andy blurted as soon as they were seated.

  “Why would you think that? Do I look gay?” Bryan’s eyebrows were dipped low.

  Oh, shit. Andy couldn’t pull his foot out of his mouth fast enough. “No, you don’t look gay. It’s just that Erik mentioned our new boss is gay.”

  “Again, not sure what that has to do with me.”

  Andy slid down a little in his seat. The waitress chose that opportunity to arrive at their table, and for that, Andy was grateful. It figured the first man Andy had a reaction to in a long damn time was his exact type. And straight. Before Andy joined the Marines, his one and only boyfriend had been built just like Bryan was. The only difference was their coloring. The ex was fair-skinned and red-headed. When their relationship turned violent and ended badly, Andy swore he’d never fall for another man who was large enough to man-handle him. It was probably a good thing Bryan was straight. It would save Andy a lot of heartache and pain.

  “Where’d you go?” Andy looked down at the hand covering his. His eyes found Bryan’s, who pulled back when he had Andy’s attention. “You okay?”

  “Yeah, just got lost in a thought’s all. So, Bryan, tell me a little about yourself. If we’re gonna be living together and working side by side, we should probably spill our guts.”

  Bryan laughed, a deep, throaty sound that made Andy’s dick twitch. “Spill our guts, huh? Not much to tell, really. Grew up in the projects. Mom did the best she could to raise four kids while our father was sitting in prison, so it was up to me, being the oldest boy, to help out around the house. I have two brothers and an older sister. I managed to stay out of trouble while helping keep food on the table. As soon as I was old enough and saw they were all gonna be okay, I enlisted. It was sure money, and being provided everything I needed twenty-four seven, I sent all my money home to help my mom feed my siblings. Now, how about you?”

  “Wow, that’s… I was born into a very wealthy family. You ever hear of Holcomb Oil Company?” When Bryan nodded, Andy continued. “That’s my grandfather’s company. Old money and old values. Good old boys with Southern Baptist roots so deep they probably come out in China. Anyway, when I was dropped off on my parents’ front doorstep all battered from the boyfriend who was supposed to love me, I was too incoherent to realize I outed myself. If it had just been my parents, they might have covered it up. Swept that shit under the rug. But my grandparents were visiting to celebrate some award my father had won.

  “My grandfather didn’t give me a chance to recover before he disowned me. He tossed me out of my father’s home. My home. Cut me out of my inheritance and left me to fend for myself. With a body full of bruises and a back slashed wide open, I was put out on the side of the road like a dog with the mange. My mother tossed a bag out the front door, where she’d put a few of my clothes and forty bucks. If my grandfather knew my mother slipped me the money, he’d probably have cut her out of the will, too.”

  Andy waited for the waitress to drop their food off. He took a long drink of the sweet tea he’d ordered. After baring his soul to Bryan, he wished he’d ordered a beer. Or tequila.

  “Wow, man. That sucks. So what’d you do?”

  Andy had already told him the worst of it, leaving out the harsh details of what exactly Patrick did to him. He might as well tell the rest. “I went to my best friend’s house and begged her to hide me. I only had a couple of months left until I graduated high school. When her parents got a look at the condition I was in, they were pissed, especially her mom, Carol. She couldn’t believe my own parents would toss me out needing medical attention. They called in a family friend to look at my wounds, something my own family hadn’t even done.

  “When my father came around asking if they’d seen me, Christy’s mom lied for me. Said I had come by, but she didn’t know where I’d gotten off to. Things seemed like they were gonna be okay until I got to school that next week. As soon as I walked in, the first period teacher told me to go see the principal. When I got to his office, he informed me my tuition had been cut off, and unless I could come up with the money, I’d have to finish my last two months at the public school. I had no way of coming up with the cash, so I said ‘fuck it’ and went straight to the recruiter’s office. When I got there, they informed me I needed my diploma, so I had no choice but to go to the local school and graduate. Carol knew someone who let me in with her signing for me instead of my own mother. I graduated and went back to the recruiter. Been out almost six months, and here we are.”

  Bryan hadn’t moved while Andy was telling about his past. Now he looked like he wanted to hit someone. His beautiful eyes had darkened, and his nostrils were flaring. “That’s bullshit,” he seethed. “Parents are supposed to love their kids unconditionally. Fucking grandparents, too. I’m really sorry you had to go through all that. I’ve never had money, so I wouldn’t know what it would be like to lose everything. We didn’t have a lot, but our mom kept us fed, and we had decent clothes. Besides that, she loved us like nothing else. Even when my youngest brother blurted out he was gay, my mom smiled and said, ‘As long as he treats you good, I don’t care if he’s purple.’ Since she was white and my father was not, we learned early on that people discriminated because of one reason or another. My beautiful mom was the only white woman in our projects, but she didn’t let anyone bully her or her kids.”

  Andy could tell by the anguish in Bryan’s eyes there was more to the story, and he knew better than to pry, but he had to know. “What happened to her?”

  “Cervical cancer. I got a call from my sister when Mom was already too far gone. She hid it from all of us. The doctor’s appointments. The treatments. Even with the money I sent home, it wasn’t enough. Since all the kids were grown and making it on their own, she decided it was okay to forgo the treatment instead of struggling the rest of her life to make payments on something that may or may not have worked. That was two years ago.”

  “I’m so sorry, Bryan.” Andy wanted so badly to be able to comfort the man sitting across from him, but they weren’t friends. Not yet. “So, what made you want to work on a farm?”

  “Like you, I’ve been stateside for about six months. I’ve been struggling with PTSD and can’t seem to keep a job. Everywhere I go is so fucking loud, and the least little thing triggers my panic attacks. Erik assured me the loudest thing on the farm would be a tractor, and I would know when it was going to start up. Malcolm sounds like a great guy who needs a little help. I figure being out on a farm in the middle of nowhere will be perfect. I’m not opposed to manual labor. I actually prefer it.”

  Andy let the last comment go. He wasn’t going to insult the guy by feeding him a line of bullshit when he didn’t know the truth about Bryan’s education. Instead, he kept the
subject safe. “Did you complete two tours?”

  “Yeah. It was all I could do, though. Physically, it was no problem. But mentally? I just couldn’t handle seeing the shit we saw day in and day out any more, you know?”

  Andy did know. “I feel the same way. I went in to learn a skill I could use on the outside. Growing up, I thought I’d go on to college, study business, and work for my family. I never had plans outside of that. When the rug was pulled out from under me, I did the only thing I could think of besides becoming a stripper.”

  Bryan laughed again, his eyes crinkling at the corners. God, he was beautiful, and it was all Andy could do not to stare. Schooling his features, Andy scoffed at him. “What? You don’t think I could have made my way dancing?”

  Bryan didn’t lose his grin. He slung his beefy, tatted arm across the back of his chair. “You in a G-string is not an image I care to think about.”

  “Oh, come on. Admit it. You’d love to see me shaking my lily-white ass on the dance floor.” Andy squatted over his chair, shaking his ass back and forth.

  Bryan tossed his head back and laughed louder. Smiling, he said, “You’re a crazy sonofabitch; I’ll give you that.” Some of the other patrons were checking out Andy, but most couldn’t keep their eyes off Bryan. Andy knew how they felt. He wasn’t sure working with the gorgeous man was going to be possible. How in the hell was he going to keep his dick under control?

  The two of them made small talk about their time in the Marines while finishing their meal. When they were done, they exchanged phone numbers.

  “Unless you’re completely bat-shit crazy, I’m betting Erik will recommend you to Mr. Wilson,” Bryan said as they walked toward their vehicles.

  “When are you moving to the farm?” Andy asked, since Bryan had already been approved.

  “I was going to go in a couple of days after I get all my shit packed, but I can wait to see if you get to go. That way we can drive up together. That is, if you want to.”